Have you ever felt lost and alone? Not sure what your purpose on this earth is anymore? Like you should be doing more than simply surviving day to day? Welcome to my world!
I'm 64 years old and I shouldn't be feeling so lost. Oh, I'm not lost in the sense some people may think of it. I'm secure in my relationship with God and I know that He is there with me every single breath that I breathe and every single step that I take (or don't take). I mean in the sense of "why am I even still on this earth?". I just don't always feel like I have a purpose and a place. Know what I mean?
I used to have a purpose and a place. I was totally at peace with my life and filled with over abundant joy and peace. I miss that in my life. Once you've experienced that, it's hard to live life without it. But, if I'm being honest with myself (and with you), it's been over 20 years since I've truly felt that. Don't get me wrong, I've had peace and joy in The Lord, but I'm talking about peace and joy in life itself. Life on this earth. Having a purpose. Feeling like you actually belong. Peace with the choices you've made in life. Oh, I could go on and on.
I've had happiness, even had lots of moments of experiencing peace and joy, but I'm talking about living in peace and joy. In knowing that you're doing the right thing and on the path that God has set before you. Knowing that you are doing what you have been placed on this earth to do.
I suppose a lot of what I'm feeling today is due to having been retired for the past couple of years. I'm still trying to find my place in that. Still searching for what it is I'm supposed to be doing at this stage in my life. The only time I feel that peace lately is when I'm reading The Word, or writing a blog. Since I can't be doing those things 24/7, I need more. I need more purpose. I thrive on helping others. And lately, it feels like I am helping no one. Sometimes it feels as if I can't even help myself.
Why am I writing this today and sharing it with you? It's because I know I can't be the only one going through this struggle. It's true what they say, "misery loves company". But I'm not in misery. I'm not miserable. Just unsettled in where I'm at in this phase of my life. I also know that it helps to know we're not alone in this world. That others are experiencing some of the same things in life that we are. And that's why I'm writing this. To let you know that you are not alone. We all go through these types of phases in our lives. I know I've gone through them many, many times. And, I know I've always come out of it. Not only come out of it, but most times come out even stronger.
If I were a betting person (and I'm not) I would bet that you are struggling with trying to find purpose in your life right now too. Why would I bet that? Mostly because you're still reading this.
I have discovered over the years that we will come upon many crossroads in our lives. Times when we have fulfilled one purpose and must move on to the next. That's kind of where I am right now. I've had many purposes that have been fulfilled and know that some of them are hard to walk away from. I'm just searching for that next one. Trying to see the road ahead of me. Searching for that crossroad and wondering where it will lead. It's easy to get stuck in that rut in the road. Sometimes we just want to stay there and wallow in the mud. I'm at the point where I feel I've been wallowing long enough. It's time to step out of the rut and move forward along the road, searching for that crossroad.
I know that there's at least one more crossroad for me. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be here on this earth. It's just hard sometimes to see that crossroad through the fog, the rain, and the storms. But, it's there. And I won't give up on finding it. It's there, it's just far enough in the distance that I can't see it yet. But I know it's coming up. If I could just get a clearer view of it!
I hope you will come along with me on the journey to find our crossroads in this life. To move forward seeking the clear view of that next crossroad, just up ahead. Knowing that we are not alone in the walk. I welcome your feedback. If you need someone to walk that walk with you, or just someone to talk to, please get a hold of me. I'm here for you. You can reach me by going to my "About" page and filling out the contact form. It will send an email directly to me and I will respond. Or, simply comment below. We all need need someone to walk with us. We were not meant to walk alone in this world.
Until next time...happy prepping, and God Bless!
For the joy of the Lord is your strength! Nehemiah 8:10 (NLT)